The more I delve into the true history of my ancestors I uncover so much inconvenient truths that destabilise the foundations of what I once thought were my identity, and leave me with no sense of purpose or belonging. Career and likewise I’m confused, I feel like the system I’ve always known has bamboozled me for long enough, where can I possibly go from here?
Was the reason I travelled the path of the creative arts because I didn’t see any concrete examples of anything else from people like me or was that something I was destined to be?
The more I dig deeper, the more steps I take into the rabbit hole makes the extent of oppressive elitist supremacy more prevalent. I feel like I’ve been duped, pre-programmed to fail as I’ve become disconnected with my true self. My history erased, culture, spirituality hidden and replaced with that of my elitist oppressors.
Where do I go from here?
The funny thing is that I’ve been spinning for a while about the purpose of ones life, I’ve made a few shake ups career and lifestyle-wise but now I’m kinda lost, at a loose end. Some of the only things I am sure of is my love for my family and significant other, all external factors outside of love begs me to question whether it’s all real. Imagine Neo in the Matrix before meeting Morpheus, when firing messages back and forth to Trinity on the computer. Imagine when Truman starts to realise that it’s all a game. I was about to write that I would like to travel to find a greater sense of purpose but something lingers in the back of my mind that I’d hit the edge like Trumans boat trip to the edge of existence. I could argue that that’s what they’ve programmed us to believe through films etc, so why should I even take that into consideration?
I turnt 29 a few weeks ago and I said that I’d shake things up in more ways than one so I guess this is kinda like the first one…
- Write everything in one place -no spin off blogs just here: makes my output much more simple and I am the brand so why not give you all a lil food for though from time to time and let you know where my minds at.
- Travel -visit family and/explore: I literally have family scattered across the Americas. I may as well go and visit them in between visiting some of the places I’ve always wanted to venture to such as Japan, Egypt, the Amazon basin, Peru, Brazil, Ethiopia, and beyond.
- Write about your experiences -food, music, travel: I go to so many different places and do so many different stuff, why not share it all? Especially when there’s a story to tell. Also a great incentive to write more because let’s be honest, I’ve been slacking lately.
- Learn how to play chess -already got a chess set: I first brought a chess set for my brothers 31st birthday present as a joke until I realised that I wanted to keep it for myself to learn so got him something better instead. I’ve always wanted to learn how to play so there’s no time better than now right?
- Learn how to play guitar -will strum until I get it right: I’ve always wondered what it’ll sound like for me to play and write songs using the guitar. Always been a fan of Bossa Nova, I’d sit and write those melodies all day long.
- Learn how to play keyboard -with both hands: my taste in music is eclectic and not being able to play along or even translate the sound in my head is frustrating. Something tells me I’d write cabaret type music.
- Finish and publish a book -including two works in progress: there’s no excuse for not doing so already, once again slacking to extreme levels but I will promise to put something out before the end of autumn.
- Release some music officially -finish off various projects: I’m taking steps to this, I’m not as far off as I think especially as I’ve pondered a route…
- Do more freelancing -paid work out of paye job stuff: I’ve done a lot of favours and helping people out but if I’m to focus, I really should take my time and value more seriously. I.e present people with rates and if they decline, move on.
- Be your own boss -answering to people is boring: actually dislike being stationary all day following a chain of command. Things really have to change in my approach to Up In The Ear as I will get to work on making this creative enterprise an official reality. Mark my words…
- Create your own destiny: what you put in is what you get out so the more moves you make is the more return you get, it’s an investment of time, effort and more important ENERGY, so don’t allow the negative to creep in, keep it all positive, clean and righteous.
- Find, maintain and be happy -tart everything with a smile: need I say more? The first step is the most important so start it right.
I think I’m ready to get started on my trip into level 30. I’ve set out some short term and long term goals, will check in from time to time so let’s make this happen…
Thanks for reading
Peace and Love ❤️🙌😎