If we were to rewind three or four months, I’d probably be it’s biggest protagonist. I lobbied for the cause of Supermalt in so many debates and discussions. I professed my love for the drink even after they had changed the formula, now my love for Supermalt is no more. I no longer enjoy it, I no longer like the taste, viscosity, or the aftertaste. I sever all ties to the drink that I once considered to be Denmark’s crowning moment of glory. Why? Well I hadn’t had a bottle for a few months and after tasting it, I realised why so many people dislike it; thick, gooey, the aftertaste of after there isn’t even a distinctive taste to begin with.
Some of you may see this as an act of blasphemy, some may deem this an act of heresy but I’ve seen the light for once I was blind. Supermalt is just a thick, sugary, foamy and tasteless version of molasses that stains your carpets and clothes if you’re unfortunate enough to experience a spillage. It used to be my whole world but I wised up to the fact that it was yet another phase that I was to grow out of, you know like the Top Boy Grime MC phase of the early to mid noughties or the I’m a vegan phase [which lasted all of eighteen hours].
Supermalt we had some great times but maybe it’s time for us to part ways. I’ll always remember the times we shared but that night when I you were fresh out of a six-pack [unrefrigerated], you tasted unflattering and I weren’t prepared to make excuses for you anymore. I will admit that when you were cold the morning after you tasted amazing but still, I think I’ve decided to consume you in moderation rather than in excess.