3 Things I Learnt So Far This Week

This week has been funny, it’s been slightly weird with a few awkward bits. I realised that ratchet conversations amongst friends whilst watching reality soap trash tv can solidify friendships and give you an insight into how much more extreme your mates are than you, I learnt that because something sounds cool in your head it doesn’t necessarily mean that the compliment will be taken in the context set out in the tweet, and most importantly, I learnt that sometime being patient is not really practical in a lot of situations from telling someone to STFU in the barbers for talking and annoying everyone about Freemasonary and the Illuminati to friends talking irrelevant nonsense about their friends to cold callers talking about PPI [BREATHE!]… So without further adieu, here are the three things I learnt so far this week:

1. Ratchet Convo’s Are Healthy


Having group text conversations with your friends whilst watching prime time television is much more entertaining. Rather than discussing plots and character, I began to initiate a series of questions to find out how ratchet my friends were. Beginning sometime at the Olympics, or years before, this kind of banter is healthy because it makes you laugh when reading back the obscene answers.

2. Beware New Words and Contexts


Women can be the most beautiful, serene and most sensitive of creatures but when giving a compliment be extra careful, especially when using a new word. Sure the first thing that popped into your head sounds great because you know what you mean but what happens if it’s read out of context? Well you then begin proceedings of explaining what the word and context means, causing unnecessary stress for the female in the five minutes of panic whilst she had no idea how to take it.

3. Being Polite Isn’t Always Practical


If you’re in mid conversation with someone talking something you don’t want to hear, there isn’t much of a problem to interject with ‘Fuck that talk, I don’t wanna hear about this, it isn’t progressive, fuck that corny motherfucker.‘ This week was also the week that I answered the phone to a random number. When this happens I pause… Ask who’s speaking, which they then proceeded to say “I’m calling from PPI claimants and…” I dropped the called instantly and returned to the call I put on hold. Why? Because I thought it was my new job with information about a start date for training and because the other call was to the bank, the managing director and I are on a first name basis. I learnt that it’s not necessarily being cruel to be kind that works but being much less polite when someone’s talking nonsense you care not to hear or begins wasting your time. In the case of my friend on the phone, it’s just being honest but the cold calling needs to fuck off because I don’t know how these companies get my details.


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