Never Cancel Your Gym Membership.

Gym memberships aren’t just a means to get a beach body or keep you alive for longer in regards to the ‘one hour of cardio a day adds an extra day to your life’ malarky but it becomes your insurance to protect you when you have the ‘I’m getting fat’ week.

Wooty Woo?

A fat week is a week where nothing seems to fit and the usual breathe in and button up procedure sees you taking a deeper breath for a longer period of time. Rather than being able to reach the breathe in relatively stress free, you actually have to do what can only be compared to a squat and a start jump to get inside, ensuring the ‘family jewels’ are tucked to its most comfortable side in the process.

How do you know when you’re having a ‘fat week’? Well check what you’ve been wearing first of all. Are the denims you’ve got on Levi’s 501 or your favoured 511 fit, are you wearing a Fred Perry polo shirt or the custom fit Ralph Lauren Rugby, have you opted for your favourite t-shirt or are you wearing a checkered shirt over it with the buttons undone, and finally when you did manage to get yourself inside a pair of jeans did you breathe a sigh of relief?

The only way to shed the extra bit around your hips is to go gym and do some cardio, weights aren’t important in this instance because more muscles won’t equate to you getting back into your favourite jeans. Whether you’ve gained weight or you’re bloated, an hour in the gym every other day will make you feel lighter even if there were nothing wrong with you in the first place.

Keep a dormant gym membership because there’ll be periods when you’ll go weeks without going to the gym before you get cold turkey and start going to keep on top of your jeans size. We could always watch what we eat but fuck it, we all love the sunday feasts andΒ Nando’s -well kinda a love/hate thing on my behalf, and all that fine and hood dineryΒ like KFC, McD’s, Burger King, Strada, Wagamama, Pie and Mash, Jerk Chicken, Ackee and Saltfish, Fish and Chips, PIZZA with stuffed crust, Pasta with piles of CHEESE and everything else you can think of that’s ‘fatty’ and ‘unhealthy-ish’ so if you can enjoy your food -not all at once but in moderation- whilst going gym you’re winning. If you can’t say no to extra plates and you ain’t burning it off in the gym or anywhere else but sitting on your couch doing ‘nout’, keep saying ‘YOLO‘ (You Only Live Once) because you’ll be that OBESE muthaslugger who died on the toilet, cheese burger in hand, watching Jeremy Kyle.

Ghost.

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