Khally In Kuwait – Day 1: Departure/Arrival

0324 GMT
I don’t know about anyone else but I find it difficult to sleep on planes, whether it’s excitement of the pending adventure or the prospect of … Lemme not go there as I’m writing this on the plane … I’m currently on my way to Kuwait to attend a fashion show. What I initially thought was just a fashion show will turn into a diplomatic adventure, I may even meet the sovereign of state!!! *extremely geekish prospect for someone like me who’s very fond of the region.

Dinner, Bagdad, Egg & Salmon Roll, Magic Carpet

Geekish digressions aside in the last six hours I’ve see the face of the moon change from half to full and I’ve flown over a warzone, Mesopotamia to be exact –Iraq for the unitiated. I’ve had a gourmet flight dinner of chicken ‘suttin’ and cous cous with a ginger ‘suttin’ crumble desert and a dry seedy breast bread with a cup of orange juice… “Charming”. Breakfast was a joke ting!!! Seriously! Has anyone heard of an egg mayonnaise and salmon roll?!?!? I swear they were fucking with me right there!!?!? British Airways parrred me! I’m flying over a warzone: Bagdad, An Najaf – (Falluja and another place that was on the news)… *technically we flew around these places because it was more to the east but all the same, warzone hahahaha (I’m just exaggerating) the salmon and egg was fukarrrrah though.

0509 GMT
I’m ere now and I’ve discovered that Kuwait’s currency is stronger than the pound #losing, I’ve also got to pay for visa on entry resulting in bank charges galore if I use an ATM!!!! So yea not such a great start being two hours in front, getting no sleep and currently stuck in the visa part of the airport with a mahooooosive guy sat across from me who’s so mahoooooooosive he can rest the laptop on his belly whilst sitting down!!!! ‘realllllly??????’ yea!!!! “I know!!!!!” ha!
Well as you all know I’m not moaning, this is an adventure afterall and I’ve already thought of a title for my adventures – Khally In Kuwait. I’ve also decided to trade under Khalid Omari, being that my name is the equivalent of Adam or John over here.
Time to explore the desert…
2307 GMT (To Kam -was gonna post on fb)
Tell mummy I arrived safe but I’ve got no phone because my iPhone and t-mobile refuses to roam -not so baaaad as my bill is already daylight robbery comparable to you buying a snickers and someone dressed as the mc Donald’s burger robber man thing coming up to you and snatching it from out of your mouth, like actually opening up your mouths and picking the chocolate bits out of your teeth and scraping the taste off of your tongue before you enjoy it (laugh innit because if you don’t you’re a fudging -mummy might be reading- twat!). The conversion rate is £0.4 to every KD, so don’t expect any gifts except probably some dust from the frequent sandstorms ha! I doubt I’d be on ere much because wifi is non existent, and I’m using a usb thing that’s slower than the tortoise that didn’t beat the hare…. (funny haha!)

It’s really nice out here and to fill a whole tank with petrol is £2 (5th biggest oil exporters in world go figure). Boys hold hands and greet each other with kisses on the cheek -its a cultural thing, ladies wear Hijabs with heels and mini skirts (paradoxical to say the least) and we are staying in the most deceptive housing complex -on the outside its dusty but when you step inside the apartment its a 3 bedroom 3 bathroom/shower/wetroom with kitchen, and massive dining room/living area house on the 7th floor with views overlooking the city when the air is clear of dust. Also residents don’t pay electric bills so they can bun out the aircon and electricity as they please and outsiders don’t get residency they can only lease… There’s a saying in Kuwait that goes:

Kuwaiti’s own the land, Westerners manage, and Indians do everything else.

That’s a par to say the least but Kuwait’s government give each resident 1000KD each independence day, and free food -necessities for a year, expectant mothers get a further 1000KD for each new born born within a two week period -apparently there always a rise in caesarians at that time of year… Hmmmm.

For everyone telling me to be careful, theres no need to worry about me or OG because from what I gather the country looks after it’s citizens. Investments are rife, the country is conservative in many ways -alcohol is prohibited but me and OG get a pass because we’re riding with the Jamaican Embassy on this mission although we haven’t tasted any yet, women can drive and do everything a man does -they also can dress how they want -dependant on area to be honest but hey it’s the first day so I can’t really call it yet. *word on road is everyone flies to Dubai and bahrain to get drunk on weekends and return on the sunday for work ha!

All in all I really didn’t have to elaborate so much but I really wanted to be a bit twattish to compensate for not being able to finish my article, nor receive and correspond to important emails due to having no phone, wifi connection or sufficient speedy internet connection.

Speak soon

Khalid

Oh yea, I’ve got man from mumbai cooking my chow mein, which tastes like one of those fucked up Iceland microwave dishes for a £1 when in actual fact its about £8 when you convert it (mahoooooosive exaggeration hahahaha but yea the mumbino is cooking my chinese), also the bottled water is a madness but there’s this strawberry drink in a can called collossas or summin which is lovely. There’s also a Fish and Chip Shop (I knowwww! expats) which may be the most expensive I’ve ever tasted -could even be guilded with gold knowing how elaborate the folk are round ere.

Love x

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