Category Archives: Health

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May 25 2012

Summer’s Here!!! – Yay! More Melanin!

I be that “Pretty Fucking Blogger”, London’s where I’m repping.

I’m in one big city full of LUSH biiiiiishes!

Yea as idyllic as that sounds it couldn’t be any less of a lie! I haven’t ventured out of ‘the ends’ whilst the suns been out but I can only guess that since everyone gets gassed and tried to get as near to being naked as possible, for every TOP BIRD there’s always a few sun burnt MUNTERS! Yea them fucking munters, the ‘butters beanies’ who should be confined to stay under the stairs and think it’s ok to get their tits, crack and other bits out in the hope that they’ll entice someone that’ll impregnate them in the sordid part of the public park that no one dares venture to…

The sun also brings out many cruffs and the stick thin monkey men who’ve spent five months in the gym trying to BULK up for summer. They’ve been hitting the gym religiously on a diet of Rick Ross -ironic right- and Lex Luger beats just so they can prance around in a vest or worse off without one. The funny thing about the stick thin monkey type turn gorilla dudes is that they end up looking like carrots, why? Because they’ve strained themselves to work out on the top half and left the bottom half of their body to the wolves. I really don’t understand how they can stand up because the upper part of their body is equivalent to the weight of an Acme Anvil stood on two matchsticks, it defies all logic.

The beautiful thing about the summer is the sunset, the romantic, idyllic sunset that makes you forget about the weeks of misery you endures whilst the rain had you trapped indoors wondering when the spate of SAD will end. All that’s missing from the sunset on the pier is the kiss and marriage proposal, no I’m not getting soppy at the mature end of my quarter life crisis, I’m what you call a romantic. I hate being out in the rain but I love how dramatic it looks from inside a cafe, sat by the window people watching.

Tips for the summer

  1. Wake Up Earlier: The best part of the day for me is around 5:30/6am when the sun is fresh because you can go for a walk along the riverside, catch the refreshing breeze and admire the city without the crowds of tourists or ugly people that make you wish the sun was behind a cloud so they wouldn’t venture from beneath the stairs.
  2. Drink Water: According to Wikipedia, 50-65% of the adult human body is made of water and according to the 2L bottle of Evian, this body water renews itself every 6 weeks. If you want clear skin, drink water, if you want to stay cool and don’t want to sweat, drink water.
  3. Eat Healthy: No I’m not talking about salads, gluten and wheat free nonsense and super veg, I’m talking regular meals such as breakfast, lunch and supper because if you eat at regular times you’re less likely to snack on nonsense and gain weight or fill your body with too much toxins.
  4. Work Out: I’m not talking about bulking up, I’d like to stay on the balanced area of my B.M.I thanks, but stay trim and healthy.
  5. Don’t Get Gassed: Don’t be naked in public, drive safely, don’t cut someone else’s lawn, don’t over do the tan.

Enjoy Your Summer…

Ghost.

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May 7 2012

Never Cancel Your Gym Membership.

Gym memberships aren’t just a means to get a beach body or keep you alive for longer in regards to the ‘one hour of cardio a day adds an extra day to your life’ malarky but it becomes your insurance to protect you when you have the ‘I’m getting fat’ week.

Wooty Woo?

A fat week is a week where nothing seems to fit and the usual breathe in and button up procedure sees you taking a deeper breath for a longer period of time. Rather than being able to reach the breathe in relatively stress free, you actually have to do what can only be compared to a squat and a start jump to get inside, ensuring the ‘family jewels’ are tucked to its most comfortable side in the process.

How do you know when you’re having a ‘fat week’? Well check what you’ve been wearing first of all. Are the denims you’ve got on Levi’s 501 or your favoured 511 fit, are you wearing a Fred Perry polo shirt or the custom fit Ralph Lauren Rugby, have you opted for your favourite t-shirt or are you wearing a checkered shirt over it with the buttons undone, and finally when you did manage to get yourself inside a pair of jeans did you breathe a sigh of relief?

The only way to shed the extra bit around your hips is to go gym and do some cardio, weights aren’t important in this instance because more muscles won’t equate to you getting back into your favourite jeans. Whether you’ve gained weight or you’re bloated, an hour in the gym every other day will make you feel lighter even if there were nothing wrong with you in the first place.

Keep a dormant gym membership because there’ll be periods when you’ll go weeks without going to the gym before you get cold turkey and start going to keep on top of your jeans size. We could always watch what we eat but fuck it, we all love the sunday feasts and Nando’s -well kinda a love/hate thing on my behalf, and all that fine and hood dinery like KFC, McD’s, Burger King, Strada, Wagamama, Pie and Mash, Jerk Chicken, Ackee and Saltfish, Fish and Chips, PIZZA with stuffed crust, Pasta with piles of CHEESE and everything else you can think of that’s ‘fatty’ and ‘unhealthy-ish’ so if you can enjoy your food -not all at once but in moderation- whilst going gym you’re winning. If you can’t say no to extra plates and you ain’t burning it off in the gym or anywhere else but sitting on your couch doing ‘nout’, keep saying ‘YOLO‘ (You Only Live Once) because you’ll be that OBESE muthaslugger who died on the toilet, cheese burger in hand, watching Jeremy Kyle.

Ghost.

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