Discovery: Peanut Puffs

It’s rare in life that someone tells me to try something and I actually like it, but when Miss Cooper held out a packet of Peanut Puffs and told me to try one, I was slyly skeptical for all of a few seconds before the ‘Wotsit’ looking puff touched my taste buds. I made some weird faces before giving the nod of approval, followed by ‘They’re arrrrright ya know‘.

I’ll forever hold Miss Cooper in high regards, promoting her to ‘Connoisseur‘ status, amongst the many who have enlightened me to new snacks, sweets, eateries and taste pallets. I was so convinced from eating just one puff -as she had selfishly scoffed the rest of the pack ‘wahhwaahhhcrycries‘- that I headed straight over to Tesco, the next day after work, and picked up three packs -buy two get one free, so I could play the explorer who came back with exotic gifts from the new world like Captain Cook or Christopher Columbus. Thanks to Cooper, the island native in my exploration tale, I was able to return to the sovereign state of my residence with three exotic sacks of peanut puffs which happened to please all heads of state and senators…

Ok I admit I got a bit carried away but I swear I’m going back to the kitchen to bring the whole pack upstairs! They’re like peanut butter flavored Wotsits. If you want a taste head to Tesco, but £1.58 is tooooooooo pricey in the day and age.

K O

Craving: Square Pie and Mash

I’ve been craving this meal for like two weeks!!! Hopefully I’ll get to go and get a plate when my mate returns for the Isle… In the meantime here’s some factual spiel about Pie and Mash if you’re not familiar with this legendary working class dish:

Pie and mash is a traditional London working class food. Pie, mash and stewed eels shops have been in London since the 19th century and are still common in south and east London, in many parts of Essex and in places abroad, particularly Australia – where there are significant expatriate communities.

The main dish sold is pie and mash — a minced beef and cold water pastry pie and mashed potato. It is common for the mashed potato to be spread around one side of the plate and for a type of parsley sauce to be present. This is commonly called eel liquor sauce or liquor (although it is non-alcoholic) because it is traditionally made using the water kept from the preparation of the stewed eels. The sauce traditionally has a green colour, which is not from food colouring, but from the parsley. Traditionally pie and mash shops have white tile walls, with marble floors, tables and work tops, which are easy to clean and give a Victorian appearance. The Manze Pie & Mash shop on Walthamstow High Street, Walthamstow, London, E17 is a good example, having all of the original fittings, from the narrow wooden bench seats to a highly polished brass till.

Jellied eels are another London speciality often sold in pie and mash shops. Chili-vinegar (vinegar containing pickled chilies) is also traditionally served with both of these dishes. The pies, mashed potato and stewed eels are all prepared on the premises. Jellied eels are usually bought ready prepared.

Recently some pie and mash shops have started to offer a selection of pies including vegetarian, chicken and fruit, one of them being Square Pie who also serve an assortment which include Jerk Chicken Pies. I know you’re thinking ‘typical black choice‘ but surprisingly the pie tasted really nice. The downside about Square is that they’re an upmarket choice: organic ingredients etc, so you’ll be paying for the wide selection to suit your preference rather than the not so frills ingredients at your local high street shop. As a matter of fact it’s simply the traditional versus the modern, so I’ll gladly go to the pie and mash shop on the high street or the concession in Selfridges…

Anyone for Square Pie and Mash?

(A whole chunk of the factual malarky was taken from Wikipedia -the community encyclopedia)

K O

Craving: Custard Creams

Before one proceeds I’d just like to state that:

If there is anyone amongst you who does not share a mutual admiration for the holiest of all biscuits, the Custard Creme de la Creme -a la Custard Cream, can you please shut the fuck up. Obrigado! (Portuguese for thank you)

As far as biscuits go, there’s no contest for this divine offering from the confectionary gods on Mt. Biscus. Structured as a biscuit sandwich with a vanilla fondant centre, stamped with an elaborate baroque design on either side of its exterior, the Custard Creme is the most regal of all biscuits. There are strawberry, orange, and coffee creams but none come close to their predecessor, the número uno of the brood, the one true comte of the biscuit tin…

Custard Creams I salute you and after I finish my shift I shall waltz into Marks & Spencer and purchase a pack so I can return home and av a lil dunk with my afternoon tea.

If you’ve never had the pleasure of tasting the holiest of all Mt. Biscus offerings, I suggest you get to your local store tell the shopkeeper that Khalism sent you -also mention that it’s a ‘Craving’ recommendation and you may get a discount… I gas but you might can blag some extra points at Tesco if you get a pack of PG tips to dunk the custies into.

Peace

Craving Cookies

Earlier I had this sudden craving for cookies, yes choc chip cookies! I shared my craving with my bro and he was unimpressed. I then went into a dreamland where I could suddenly stroll into M&S and get two freshly baked cookies from their bakery section.

I wanted it all! I wanted the M&S, Millies, and any other brand that dealt in fresh baked cookies as opposed to the Chips Ahoy and Maryland malarky!

That’ll be the perfect snack right now, if only these places were on stand by 24hrs a day! Furthermore why aren’t these cookie cutters open 24hrs a day!? Do you know how much business you’re currently missing out on!?

I’d call up like:

“Haaalllo I’d like a big box of the freshest baked cookies in all the badaman flavoroonies under the stars: choc chip, cherry, vanilla, lemon, strawberry, kush, errrry-damn-thaaaang! And yea I’ll never get through the box whilst they’re fresh so I’ll have to refrigerate or freeze them just so I can’t look back on the whole situation and be like: I purchased a box of cookies on a craven impulsive whim and I only ate 1% worth like the twat the you are, so now when I think about the twat that you are, me eating the cookie out of the million katrilkion godzillion is gonn put me in the same twat stick group of undesirables as you. How fucking lame, how bluhhhty lame”.

Anywho next time I’m in Charing X or Ldn Brg I’m going to Millie’s cookie kioskle and I’m going to pay their fucked up extortionate £1.5m per cookie fee. *there’s goes the lottery win.

I guess there’s no price on taste.

K O

Sweet Tooth: Maynards – Wine Gums/Sours

I used to love these as a bambino, I didn’t like the fruit pastilles because they took ages to chew and they always used to get stuck in my teeth…Anyway I was idle in the shop at Uni and I saw the pack of wine gums and popped two packs, giving one to the homie @gracebassface and eating the other.

I swear when I got through the pack I reignited my passion for the wine gum, it’s soft and chewy, the light sweet scent, and the flavour is hammmazzzzinggggg! I actually thought there was nothing better until G asked me, out of nowhere…

Have you tasted the sours?

Sours!? Wtf!? That’s all that was going through my head at the time. I asked question after question tryna work out if there was a sweet greater than what I thought was the greatest sweet of all time…

The days went by and one sunny afternoon I was in the office and remembered to buy the sours, I was expecting proper sour stuff like the skittles sours; that bitter taste that makes you scrunch up your face in taste bud agony, but to my amazement Maynards Wine Sours were deliciousssss!!! I can’t pass the SU shop with getting a pack. Usually I buy one of each and wonder why I didn’t just purchase one pack but hey best of both worlds I guess. *Better have my dentist on standby because I got my first filling after 21yrs for having a Percy Ingles Belgian Bun addiction -me and my sweet tooth

Here’s a lil spiel about Maynards that I lifted from wiki:

Maynards is a sweets manufacturer in the United Kingdom and Canada, and is most famous for its Wine Gums. Founded in 1896 by Charles Riley Maynard, he and his brother Tom manufactured the sweets in their kitchen whilst Tom’s wife, Sarah Ann worked in the shop. Although the company was founded in 1896, Charles had been making his sweets since 1880. Maynards Wine Gums were introduced in 1909 by son Charles Gordon Maynard. Maynards has since been bought by Cadbury and now sells over £50m of sweets annually in the UK. *check that figure muthafuckaz!!! 50p per pack on average, grossing more than £50m… (Think I’m gonna faint)

1. Maynards Wine Gums
2. Maynards Wine Pastilles
3. Maynards Wine Sours
4. Maynards Sports Mix
5. Maynards Midget Gems.
6. Maynards Wine Gums Light
7. Maynards Swedish Berries
8. Maynards Fuzzy Peaches
9. Maynards Swedish Fish
10. Maynards Sour Cherry Blasters
11. Maynards Sour Watermelons
12. Maynards Ultra Sour Patch Kids
13. Maynards Sour Patch Kids
14. Maynards Sour Chillers
15. Maynards Juicy Squirts Berry

I’ve only tasted 1/5 of the sweets on the list, to my knowledge. I’m on a quest to taste them all like “Ma-hay-nards!!! Gotta taste em allll” *Pokemon rip

K O

iEat: Tesco Blueberry Muffins

There’s nothing like a Tesco’s Blueberry Muffin, when you’re feeling blue.
There’s something about a Blueberry muffin which doesn’t quite cheer you up nor make you feel better but it always tastes the same, amazing.

I used to be a fan of chocolate chip and cherry, but as I’ve gotten older I’ve become accustomed to the pleasures of the blueberry muffin.
It’s no longer crunchy nor too bitter, the crust at the top is the right texture whilst the core of the muffin is lovely and soft.

The blueberry muffin has become a pillow to my heartache, a pillow to the melancholy trains of thought, a warm shroud of pleasantries at times when I’m not so blue, or blue at all.

The blueberry muffin will always be my guilty pleasure, I’d always have time for one, once in a while. I’d always set aside time to indulge in a blueberry muffin and eat away the ills and hardships of humanity.
I’d always have time for my special friend, always the same, never change the recipe because it needs no improvements, additives, nothing…

There’s nothing like a Tesco’s blueberry muffin.

K O